Sondaj
Recent s-a efectuat un sondaj pe plan mondial. Intrebarea a fost: "Va rugam sa ne spuneti opinia dumneavoastra in legatura cu lipsa de alimente din restul lumii." Sondajul a fost un esec total:
- in Africa nu stiau ce inseamna "alimente";
- in Europa de Vest nu stiau ce inseamna "lipsa";
- in Europa de Est nu stiau ce inseamna "opinie";
- in America de Sud nu stiau ce inseamna "va rugam";
- in S.U.A. nu stiau ce inseamna "restul lumii".



Evolutia Programatorului

Liceu


10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END


Primul an de facultate


program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.


Ultimul an de facultate


(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))



Proaspat angajat


#include
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n");
}


Programator cu experienta


#include
#include

class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;

public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}

string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}

~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}

friend ostream &perator<<(ostream & const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};

ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}

string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}

int main()
{
string str;

str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;

return(0);
}


Programator Senior


[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");

// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"

[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};

[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{

// some code related header files
importheader();
importheader();
importheader();
importheader("pshlo.h");
importheader("shlo.hxx");
importheader("mycls.hxx");

// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");
importlib("thlo.tlb");

[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};

#include "ipfix.hxx"

extern HANDLE hEvent;

class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);

CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();

HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);

private:
static int cObjRef;
};

#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

int CHello::cObjRef = 0;

CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}

HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%ws\n", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}

CHello::~CHello(void)
{

// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);

return;
}

#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();

hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF,
CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER, REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE,
&dwRegistration);

// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);

// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();

return(0);
}

extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;

CLSID CLSID_CHello = {
/* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = {
/* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

#include
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];

// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '\0';
wcsT[0] = '\0';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n");
return(1);
}

// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World");

printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))>
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello,
(void **)&pHello);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);

Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}

return(0);
}


Hacker incepator


#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) ||
die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;


Hacker cu experienta


#include
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}


Hacker Senior


% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out


Hacker Guru


% cat
Hello, world.
^D


Manager nou


10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END


Manager cu experienta


mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, te rog, scrie un program ca sa afiseze
"Hello,world."? Am nevoie de el pana maine.
^D


Manager Senior


% zmail jim
Am nevoie de un program "Hello, world." pana la pranz.


Vice Presedinte - Tehnologia informatiei


Strategia noastra pe termen lung este sa-i finantam pe asociatii nostri sa creeze o noua paradigma tehnologica, care sa ajute organizatia noastra sa trimita felicitari ca "Hello World".




North Pole

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via sattelite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.
The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1995, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently aquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween will be very strict.
When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on a more effecient delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits. We'll use it first for the release of Windows95 and Office 95."
In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a seamingly endless video stream of products that make up the deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 95 trademark, leading into the announcement of the first product from the deal.
Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, "The first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft organization. This will take some time, so don't expect any changes this year." She continued, "our big plans are for next year, when we release Christmas 95. It will be bigger and better than last year." She further elaborated that "Windows95 users who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews of Christmas[95] as early as November first."
Christmas 95 is scheduled for release in December of 1995, though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip into the first half of 1996. An economist at Goldman Sachs explained that a slip would be catostrophic to next year's economy and the nation's tax revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas, whenever that was. "But it could be good in the long term," he explained. "With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or June, which are much slower months for retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the year."
When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates explained that "Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we wanted to start there. Not all holidays are availble for sale, and the remaining will have to show a good long term business," suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the plans.
Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld pending final FTC approval, a Santa official confirmed that the deal was "sizeable, even for a man of Santa's stature." Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand his business to year 'round products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.
A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be reached for comment


About Windows

 Air conditioned environment -- Do not open Windows.
 An elephant is the Windows version of an armadillo.
 Bugs come in thru Windows.
 Double your hard drive space instantly! Delete Windows!
 Friends don't let friends use Windows.
 If speed scares you - try Microsoft Windows.
 If Windows sucked it would at least be good for *something*.
 New from McAfee: WinScan. Deletes all Windows applications.
 No son, we use Windows to slow down games on 486's
 The best way to accelerate Windows is at 9.8m/s}
 The best way to accelerate Windows is into a wall.
 The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.
 Virus "Windows" found: (D)elete, (R)epair, (N)ext?
 We don't do Windows and we don't take American Express.
 Who needs rocks? Windows breaks itself.
 Windows = Headache + Trouble + Crashes - Money - Speed!
 Windows Benchmark: UAEs per second!
 Windows found: DEL *.* and RD (Y/y/y)?
 Windows gives me the panes.
 Windows is a pane in the ASCII!
 Windows isn't a virus. A virus does something.
 Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
 Windows/NT: From the people who brought your EDLIN!
 Windows/NT: Windows/Neat in Theory?
 Windows/NT: Windows/Netherworld Trash?
 Windows/NT: Windows/Neurotic Thievery?
 Windows/NT: Windows/Never Tested?
 Windows/NT: Windows/Newest Throwaway?
 Windows: A View to be Killed.
 Windows: Nothing but an expensive, poorly written game of Solitaire!
 Windows: The 80486 to PC conversion kit.
 Windows: The Gates of Hell.
 Windows: Veni, vidi, shelfi.
 Windows? Honey, don't play that!
 WinError #01: Unable to figure out own code. System crashed.
 WinError #16: Window locked. Try Ctrl-Alt-Del. Then RESET.
 Winners never quit and never use Windows.
 Ya know what I like about Windows? Not one damn thing.
 Windows, Icons, Mouse, Pointer: WIMP
 Girlfriend pregnant error [A]bort, [M]arry, [I]gnore?


Compilare

Studentul cheama supraveghetorul laboratorului:
- Te rog, ajuta-ma, programul meu se încarca, dar nu face nimic.
Supraveghetorul studiaza cazul facând ochii din ce în ce mai mari.
- Pai, cum sa mearga daca ai pus totul în comentariu.
- Stiu, zice studentul cu amaraciune, dar daca altfel nu s-a lasat
compilat...


Voice recognition
La o prezentare a unui soft de recunoastere vocala, directorul firmei prezinta produsul sau revolutionar în domeniu: ca face, ca drege, ca n-are nevoie de o perioada de acomodare... Si îi roaga pe cei prezenti sa încerce... Dintr-un colt al salii, cineva spune:
- Format ce, doua puncte. Enter.
Din alt colt, alta voce:
- Yes, Enter.



Windows 98

Se spune ca daca bagi CD-ul de la Windows 98 în unitate si faci în asa fel încâ sa se învârta în sens invers vei auzi niste acorduri muzicale satanice. Însa ce este mai îngrijorator este ca daca se învârte în sensul normal, se instaleaza Windows 98.



General Motors

La o recentă expoziție de calculatoare (COMDEX), Bill Gates a comparat în mod repetat insustria de software cu industria de automobile. Printre altele a făcut și afirmația următoare:
"Dacă General Motors ar fi ținut pasul cu tehnologia, la fel cum se întâmplă în industria de software, astăzi am fi condus mașini de 25 de dolari care ar fi consumat un galon de benzină la 1000 de mile".
Ca răspuns, președintele General Motors, a publicat o scrisoare în presă:

Dacă General Motors și-ar fi dezvoltat tehnologia în același mod ca Microsoft, atunci mașinile pe care le-ați fi condus astăzi, ar fi avut următoarele caracteristici:
1. Fără nici un motiv, orice s-ar întâmpla, mașina dumneavoastră se va strica de două ori pe zi;
2. De fiecare dată când se va reface marcajul pe autostradă, va trebui să cumpărați o nouă mașină;
3. Din când în când, mașina dumneavoastră se va opri pe autostradă și veția accepta acest lucru repornind-o de fiecare dată;
4. Din când în când, executând anumite manevre, ca de exemplu o întoarcere la stânga, mașina se va opri și va refuza să pornească și în acest caz veți fi obligat să reinstalați motorul;
5. Numai o persoană poate folosi la un moment dat mașina, cu excepția cazului în care ați cumpărat Car95 sau CarNT; dar în acest caz, va trebui să cumpărați mai multe locuri;
6. MacIntosh va face o mașină care merge cu energie solară, fiabilă, de cinci ori mai rapidă, de două ori mai ușor de condus, dar nu va putea rula decât pe cinci la sută din șosele;
7. Indicatorul pentru ulei, cel pentru temperatura apei, cel pentru baterie, toate vor fi înlocuite cu un singur indicator luminos "General car default";
8. Scaunele noi vă vor obliga să aveți aceeași mărime a curului;
9. Sistemul airbag va întreba "Sunteți sigur?" înainte de a funcționa;
10. Din când în când, fără nici un motiv, mașina se va incuia singură. Dar există o soluție: Trageți de mânerul portierei, răsuciți cheia și țineți antena radio cu mâna;
11. General Motors va cere cumpărătorilor săi să cumpere și un set de hărți Rand McNally (acum o sucursală a General Motors), indiferent dacă aveți sau nu nevoie, chiar dacă nu vreți. Dacă încercați să renunțați la această opțiune, veți observa o diminuare cu 50% a performanțelor mașinii. Mai mult decât atât, General Motors va fi supus investigației Departamentului de Justiție;
12. De fiecare dată când General Motors va introduce un nou model de mașină, cumpărătorii vor fi obligați să învețe din nou să șofeze, deoarece nici una din noile comenzi ale mașinii nu va funcționa ca cele vechi.
13. Veți apăsa pe butonul Start pentru a opri motorul.


Microsoft Windows 98 code

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
}




Alice

Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect that everything was not as it should be. "Program too big to fit in memory," it read.
"Curiouser and curiouser," she said, "All I did was load fourteen TSRs before starting my word processor. With four megabytes, I wish I could use more than 640K."
"At that moment, a small white consultant (a very white consultant) ran across the room. "Oh my coat and necktie," he said, "I'm going to be late for my appointment. And at one fifty an hour, too." Before Alice could say anything, he leaped into her monitor and disappeared behind her operating system.
Alice thought that she had never seen anyone leap into a monitor before; and certainly not go clean through the operating system. But then, she had been told that DOS was very shallow. Without hesitating a moment, she leaped in after him.
She found herself in a shiny corridor. Not knowing what else to do, she began walking. Turning a corner, she found herself facing two fat little men, each with an arm round the other's neck. One had "POS" embroidered on his collar, and the "NEG".
"I know," said Alice, "you two are a transistor."
"Yes," said Positive.
"Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negative.
She pointed the other way.
"Yes," said Positive.
Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down.
Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her as if it wanted to be loved. "Grep," it exclaimed.
"Don't mind him," explained the Mad Hacker. "He's just looking for some string."
"Nroff?" asked the Frog.
The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and a spoon. "Here," he said, "what do you think of this?"
"It looks lovely," said Alice, "very sweet." She tried a spoonful. "Yuck!" she cried. "It's awful. What is it?"
"Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX," answered the Hacker.
Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse. "Who's he?" she asked.
"That's OS Too," explained the Hacker. "We've pretty much given up on waking him.
"Just then, a large Blue Elephant sitting next to the Dormouse stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen," he trumpeted pompously, "as the largest creature here, I feel impelled to state that we must take an Open Look at..."
A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up angrily. The Elephant noticed and changed his speech accordingly, "...what our NextStep will be."
"Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other half snickered quietly to themselves. Just then, OS Too fell over in his sleep, crashing into the Elephant and taking him down with him. No one seemed a bit surprised.
"What we need," declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with his long tongue," is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh.
"Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his face got red. "No, no, no! he screamed. "No one pays one fifty an hour to Macintosh consultants!"
"Awk," said the Frog.
"Users," explained the Sun Bear, "want an easy interface that they will not have to learn."
"Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"
"Well," responded the Sun Bear, "we've got to do something to make them want to switch to UNIX."
"Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a hole in the table, "that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?' I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man."
"Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow, "like Brut, or Rambo."
"Penix," suggested a Penguin.
"Mount," said the Frog, "spawn."
Alice slapped him. "Nice?" he asked.
"But then again," suggested the Woodpecker, "what about the shrinkwrap issue?"
Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving their hands in the air and screaming. Just as suddenly, they all sat down again.
"Now that that's settled," said the Woodpecker, "let's go back to tasting flavors."
Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on their right and took the one being offered on their left.
Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been walking away, she heard a familiar voice behind her.
"Rem," it said, "edlin."
Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. "Those are queer sounding words," she said, "but at least I know what they mean."
"Chkdsk," said the Frog.


 
 

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